i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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