dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
