You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
