Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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