and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
