Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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