it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
