There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
