Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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