i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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