Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
