We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
