So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
