I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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