Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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