just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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