So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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