If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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