i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize