I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
