i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
