I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
