I think i sorta joined a cult last night
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
