dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
