Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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