I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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