You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
