i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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