Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
