Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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