white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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