Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
