you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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