wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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