the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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