The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
