you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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