Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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