i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
