I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
