great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
