My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
