At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
