Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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