My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
