We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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