i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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