I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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