Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
