dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How does one acquire holy water?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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