im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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