Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
