He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
