this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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