You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am available for nakedness
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
