last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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