We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
