Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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