Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
