You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
