My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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