So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
