Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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