so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
