please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
