i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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