i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
