Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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