If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
