I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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