her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize