and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
